💜

melindacarolinee:

I’ve loved you from the beginning. Since I was 20 and you 23, and here I sit at 27 while you’re 30. It’s been a wild ride full of ups and downs. And the craziest thing is, we’ve never even been in a relationship. I wish I could sit here and say that it ended well, but it hasn’t. I love you so much but all you do is hurt me. And the fucked up thing is, I know you love me too and that’s why I held on so long. Because we do have a bond that neither of us can explain, we are like magnets. But none of that matters when you treat me like shit and lie to me. It fucks with my head because there are times when you’re so sweet and I know it’s genuine and you lift me up and make me feel confident about the things I’m insecure about. You make me feel loved and understood. You’re my comfort. But none of that matters because you hurt me and you keep doing it. It’s so fucked up how someone can love you but still hurt you. And it also makes me so mad. I can’t do it anymore. There are some days that I miss you so much that I almost unblock you but I know better. I know the cycle will continue. I’ll love you forever and a part of me hates that. And a part of me wishes that things had been different, that things weren’t so fucked. Because I fucking love you, and it makes me so sad that I have to live my life without you. But I have to choose me. Like my mom says, just because someone loves you doesn’t mean they’re gonna treat you right. And it’s the most fucked thing ever.

@melindacarolinee

melindacarolinee:

““You were okay before him and you’ll be okay after.” “Im not really sure that’s true. Because before I had no idea what it was like to have someone like him. I had never had someone care for me so deeply and I’ve never cared about any boy that much. I’ve never felt so comfortable and safe. I’ve never laughed so hard tears were streaming down my face with any other guy. I’ve never felt so loved and wanted. He was in everything I did. So now it’s just me, but he’s taken out.“ She stops and takes a breath. “Yes I’ll survive, but im not all that confident that I’ll ever truly be okay. Because once you have something like that you’re always gonna compare. And im not sure anyone is gonna truly understand me like he did. And that breaks my heart.””

— Chapters from my life

melindacarolinee:

“I just kept picturing him sitting on his couch, with his big smile saying “hey there beautiful.” And it killed me every time to know he was never going to say that to me again. That it was going to be somebody in my place that he said it to now.”

— Made me cry every time || Chapters from my life

melindacarolinee:

“Heartbreak. I don’t think anyone can prepare you for the immense pain you will feel when it happens to you. You literally feel like you’re dying and that your life is over. You cry for hours at a time and it just won’t stop and it’s all you can think about. Can’t even listen to sad songs because they leave you in a puddle of tears. You go from sad to angry to alright back to sad in one day. It is an emotional roller coaster. You try to bargain with God. You text them and get to the point of practically begging. If they see how hurt I am they will want to fix this. Everyone try’s to give you encouraging words. “It will get better” “you will love again” and my all time favorite “all that works is time” you are craving for someone to tell you something to make it better. And you don’t believe anyone when they tell you those things. You think im gonna be this destroyed forever. You look online at articles and save quotes on how you’re feeling. You look at how to get your ex boyfriend back. But a point comes when you have to just stop. You have to put down the phone because most likely whenever you text them there not gonna say sorry and that they fucked up and that you can go back to normal. You just end up getting more hurt. So block him from everything. There are days when you reach for your phone and want to text him so bad but don’t. Write it down, cry it out and give it 10 minutes cause I guarantee you’ll feel a little better. I don’t care if you’re at work go to the bathroom and let it out whenever you need to. You’ll go from crying for hours straight, to maybe 10 minutes a day. Which doesn’t seem that great but it means you’re slowly getting better. You have to put one foot infront of the other each day and believe me I know how tough it is. You’ll have days where you’re sad all day and you’ll have days where you’re in a pretty good mood and don’t think too in depth about it. Instead of a constant ache all day it will only sting some and not be as bad. Little pieces of yourself will start to come back. Instead of being a crying zombie. You’ll start blasting that music in your car and singing along. You’ll listen to love songs and belt them out and not cry. You’ll finish a season of a show you guys used to watch and it won’t hurt to watch it. You’ll go out with a friend and laugh and not think about him. You can think about him and not burst into tears. You will have days where it stings like a bitch, but silence says more than anything. In reality I’m betting you tried everything you could and it’s sad but at least you gave it your all and it’s just time to stop no matter how much you don’t want to. The memories will fuck you up like no other but there’s no going back, you can only move forward. Because if he wanted to contact you he would. I had to learn that the hard way. It’s a tough thing to accept. Because one day someone WILL come along and won’t do this to you. I used to get irritated when people would say only time will help, but I’m finding out it is true. Make yourself leave the house for a few hours and hang with a friend, or go by yourself shopping. I never believed it would get better, but I’m finding out that it does get better a little at a time. I went from crying 3 hours a day multiple times and trying to text him to crying 10 minutes a day if that and not reaching for my phone at all anymore. and I shouldn’t have to beat myself up anymore for someone who doesn’t care and isn’t doing the same for me. Because i realize I am worth so much more than that and so are you. You shouldn’t have to beg someone to love you, that’s not how it’s supposed to be. “Don’t cross oceans for people who won’t cross puddles for you””

—

(via melindacarolinee)